CEO = Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO = Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET = A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET = A 6 to 18 month period when you think of going back to school.
VALUE INVESTING = The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO = The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER = What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR = Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST = Idiot who just down-graded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT = When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER = A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION = The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW = The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO = What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS = What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR = Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT = An old word no longer in use.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
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